enough of this self pity!

I’ve been wallowing in everything that’s not going exactly right and moping around and eating raw cookie dough to compensate for it and feeling generally miserable (probably because of the cookie dough). It’s time for this little pity party to end.

See, I got to thinking. There is actually a lot to be happy about. Maybe not hoot and holler and do cartwheels in the street happy. But happy. And to make myself stop moping and eating raw cookie dough and feeling generally miserable, I am going to make myself list out what’s fine. Or maybe even good.

I’ll start with the phone call I just took. Our furniture is in! They can even deliver it on Saturday! Yippee! No more old uncomfortable couch! No more fighting for a spot on said couch! And maybe getting the couch in the basement will spark Bill to take the plunge and buy the stuff he needs to set up his movie viewing down there. I am so excited, I’m sitting here smiling like a goofball.

We won’t be able to sit on our new furniture and watch tv unless Bill can get that fixed. But is not being able to watch tv really that horrible? This week while he’s been gone, I haven’t had to fight with Kaitlyn over watching tv during dinner. She’s actually had to talk to me. And it’s actually been pleasant. Yes. I miss the stupid tv. But I can still watch the one in my room. And since I tend to fall asleep watching anyway, this works out pretty well.

Kaitlyn is not behind in math. She is not struggling with math. She is bringing home papers with perfect and near perfect scores. She is embracing the challenge of the timed test (which always left me in tears the night before struggling to study for it) and this week improved her score by 50%. Holy. Cow. That is amazing. And that was before we even started the nightly flash cards.

Kaitlyn is not frustrated with school. Even though she is behind in reading, she is not letting that get to her. This morning when the school bus driver skipped us and I pointed out that the bus would not be picking her up, Kaitlyn said “but can’t I go to school?” And she meant it. She wanted to go. And driving her was ok. I got to see her go in and smile and feel so comfortable at the school she’s only known for two weeks now. She walked in like she’s been attending for two years.

Frustrated by some of Kaitlyn’s less than pleasant tendencies, I read a book on parenting. Among it’s suggestions: raise the bar. Expect more and you’ll get more. So I did. And it’s true. Last night she made me set an alarm clock in her room for her to use to wake up. And this morning, she got up, hit the Scooby Doo head so he’d stop barking and she got out of bed. So, she laid back down after going to the bathroom. She didn’t go back to sleep and getting her out from the simply-lounging-listening-to-the-radio position was far easier than the sound asleep position I generally battle. She’s generally more pleasant and more prone to actually do what she’s asked to. Without the eye rolling and moaning that used to go with it. And boy has that all made a huge difference with Bill gone this week. Huge.

I haven’t lost any weight since starting to go to exercise classes (ahem… raw cookie dough) but I am going. And feeling better. And enjoying the classes (mostly). And meeting people. And making friends.

When I vent to my blog, I tend to forget people actually read it. Although that is the point. In the last couple of days I was reminded of that when friends sent me notes of encouragement they thought I could use after they read it. They have no idea what that means to me. (Not that they read it but that they care enough to reach out and make sure I’m really ok. Maybe they’ll know now if they keep reading.) It was so good to be reminded that the strange life that is that of an ex-pat doesn’t just flash back to normal when you repatriate. And that others have gone through it and that same support I found in France, I can find here. A lesson I thought I’d learned there was that if you need help, ask for it. I’d started to forget it. Or at least discard its importance. I even consciously thought about this the other day. Still, it took friends reaching out to snap me out of the “I can do it all myself” two-year-old-ish approach to life.

We’re all healthy. (Colds don’t count.) We have friends. We’re close enough to see family more often now. And I’m not stuck at work covering Hurricane Earl.

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